Trying Though I Know It's Wrong
by somewhereinthedreams
Summary: Mike and Paige have a long overdue conversation after he punches Briggs. Set after Season 3: Episode 12, Dog Catches Car.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This starts immediately after the end of 3x12. I'm pretty sure I started writing it before the finale started and I'm just now getting around to finishing it.**

* * *

Mike angrily stormed out of Briggs' room and Paige peered out of the doorway of her room, setting down the candle she just lit on her desk. Johnny shook his head in disgust as he walked out of Briggs' room, before slamming the door to his own room.

Mike was furious.

His jaw was clenched and he was flexing his hand. For a moment she thought Mike was doing phantom hand exercises, but something was off. He was flexing his hand as if he punched someone. She placed her hand out to stop him as he walked by her and couldn't help but notice how tense he felt. "You punched him?"

"At least I didn't shoot him in his other leg," Mike quipped, trying to lighten the mood.

Mike beyond frustrated and he had every right to be. Briggs had been playing mind games with all of them, but most of all with Mike. Mike glanced down at her hand and she dropped it mumbling an apology, but he shrugged indicating it was fine.

Paige looked behind him and couldn't tell if Briggs' door was still open, but as much as she wanted to believe that Briggs had been right about _this_ , she was finding it hard to trust him about anything. She thought Mike had been crazy when he shared his latest theory about Briggs and the Sarin gas, only it turned out he was right. _Technically_ , there hadn't been any Sarin gas but that was just one more detail of Briggs' elaborate plan that none of them were privy to.

Paige cocked her head towards her room, indicating for Mike to follow her.

Mike followed her without question, closing the door behind him. "He played all of us! Everything that happened was because of Briggs! Colby and Toros. Jesus Christ, he slept with Javi's girlfriend to start a gang war in order to get Martun Sarkissian to call Gusti for the Sarin. Ari sent Javi's mother his head in a box! He almost got Johnny killed! I haven't even gotten the final headcount for how many people died today."

"You were right." She noticed Mike left out how Briggs helped him detox, but considering that Briggs used his journals as the backbone of his plan, she would let it slide. Deep down Paige believed that Briggs cared about Mike, about all of them, but the days where she blindly trusted him had come to an end. Just because Briggs' plan was for the _greater good_ , it didn't mean his intentions weren't selfish. She sat down on the edge of her bed and Mike sat down next to her with an exasperated sigh. "I - he - Briggs, he got in my head about Colby. When I went to Ali Babba's, I saw the straight razor that I - I killed Toros with." She took a deep breath, struggling to keep her voice even. She didn't want to get upset about what she did. She did what she had to do. Toros would've killed her if she hadn't stopped him. Toros went through a lot of crap as a kid, but that didn't absolve him from his sins. He didn't deserve her compassion, but she still couldn't help but feel responsible for his fate.

Paige gave Mike a grateful smile when he squeezed her knee, drawing strength from his simple gesture. "I got lost in my head for a minute and everything that happened that night replayed in my mind. Then I heard voices. I hid in the bathroom and Martun almost came in. I thought I was going to have to shoot my way out of there."

Mike started to jump up, no doubt ready to punch Briggs again or maybe shoot his other leg, but she placed her hand over his and he remained seated next to her.

Mike took a deep breath and released it slowly. "Paige, you shouldn't have been in that situation. How many times is he going to risk your life to do his dirty work?"

"I'm here, okay? I made a choice to help him and I have to deal with the fallout." It would be easy to blame this all on Briggs. Colby. Toros. What almost happened today. But she let him manipulate her. She blindly trusted him when she shouldn't have. "Let me see your hand."

"It's fine," Mike said, brushing off her concern. "You're - "

"Just let me see it," Paige demanded, her voice leaving no room for discussion. She needed something else to focus on other than Briggs manipulating them and at least this gave them a distraction. Paige held her hand out, palm facing upwards and ignored the shock of electricity that pulsed through her when he placed his hand over his. She delicately traced her fingers over his knuckles, looking for signs of bruising.

"See, I'm fine," Mike breathed out slowly.

It was funny really.

Last summer, they were constantly touching. Friendly touches. Flirtatious ones. One perfectly sweet kiss in the midst of chaos. In the midst of investigating Briggs.

This past summer, it was a struggle not to touch him when the others were watching. But then they fell apart and the last thing she wanted was him touching her even though she craved his touch more than she was willing to admit.

She wanted to feel alive. Wanted to hear the false promises that everything would be okay when they both knew it wouldn't be. Wanted his arms around her to make her feel safe and chase away horrors that haunted her dreams.

But she was stubborn.

Unwilling to forgive.

As much as she wanted to forgive Mike about Lina, deep in her gut she knew he lied. She was genuinely shocked to learn that Lina's fingerprint was on the letter sent to her family from Scottsdale. When she went to the warehouse to bring Mike his ID so he could check into the hospital, she apologized for not believing him. Mike was delirious from the pain and blood loss, and unable to keep his lies straight when he confirmed what she suspected all along - Lina was dead. Devastated by his lies, she gave him up to Sid.

She had no excuse for her actions.

She was hurt. Betrayed.

But nothing excused what she did. She barely understood it. Didn't understand why she felt Mike needed to die in order to balance out what he did with Lina.

But he survived.

By some miracle he survived. With the exception of those six minutes which could have easily been permanent.

Paige swore her heart stopped _again_ when she heard Mike was alive. Guilt kept her away from him when he was in the hospital. Shame made her keep her distance when came home from the hospital.

Only Mike hadn't been willing to give up on her as easily as she had given up on him.

She had touched him exactly three times after she sent him to sleep with Jessica. Once, when he had been shot and was in the warehouse. Twice, after he left the hospital to save her from her suicide mission with Sid. And the third time was when she broke down in his arms after her award ceremony. After weeks of lying, he finally came clean with her about happened in Sylmar.

Despite that hug being the first step of many in the long path to them healing, they continued to keep their distance from each other. Both of them too cautious to upset the delicate balance of their truce. She lost count of the number of times she had to struggle _not_ to touch him. But even if they kept their hands to themselves, there was a thousand glances she couldn't ignore.

The way he watched her when she was in that red dress. Then the white one.

She wanted to believe Mike detoxing was the only reason he told her not to touch him. But she needed to touch him then. Just to reassure him that she was there and to reassure herself that he was still breathing.

Then they went back to keeping their distance, trying to figure out a way to coexist in this house.

But today, something changed. He touched her back when he didn't have to. Not that it was a big deal. But he hadn't bumped into her at the funeral home. He was walking behind her and casually touched the small of her back, reminding her that he was right there. That he had her back. Literally and figuratively.

Then it was her turn to support him. After Johnny bit his head off about the Sarin not being at the funeral home, she took a chance and ran her knuckle along Mike's arm. Just to let him know she was on his side. To test the waters a little to see how he reacted.

Which led to a little more awkward flirting. Mike casually mentioned his hand exercises to remind her of all the ways he used to touch her. But now, here she was, touching him.

He hadn't pushed her away. The world hadn't exploded. They were just sitting in her bedroom like two normal people when they had more baggage than she knew what to do with.

"Does it hurt?" Paige asked, continuing to run her fingers along the back of his hand. "I can go get you some ice. If you put it on now, it'll decrease the swelling." She was rambling. Mike's knuckle was barely discolored, it probably didn't hurt and of course he knew the benefits of ice on bruises, but she couldn't stop herself from spouting off useless information. "I can get you some ibuprofen too."

She started to get up, but before she realized what was happening, his mouth was on hers.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I forgot how often I rarely post multi-chapter fics. Oneshots are my preference for a variety of a reasons, mostly because I like to focus on one moment in an isolated bubble, but also because then I don't have to update. However, I do have a few multi-chapter fics floating around in my head, but I have no clue on a timetable when I'll start posting. I'll probably write a rough draft of the whole fic before I start posting. So if I go radio silent, I'm either crazy busy or writing like crazy.**

 **As always...let me know what you think. To respond to someone's comment they left in a review, I'm going to miss seeing Pike on-screen a lot. It hurts now, but I'm sure it'll hurt more in the summer when we should be watching Graceland.**

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Mike's brain barely had time to register that he was kissing Paige, because almost as soon as his lips made contact with hers, he pulled away.

Just because things seemed _normal_ between them again, whatever normal was, didn't mean she was interested in him.

The last thing he wanted to do was push her into something she wasn't ready for or didn't want. It had only been a few weeks since she was able to look at him for more than five seconds without her eyes filling with guilt and shame. That didn't mean she wanted to try again with him.

Day by day, they were growing closer and repairing the broken trust between them.

Judging by the confused look in Paige's eyes, he didn't have to stop. Despite everything that had happened between them, he could still read her. She wasn't confused because he kissed her. Paige was confused because he stopped.

She kissed him back.

Mike leaned forward so his forehead was resting against hers. "I missed you," Mike confessed. He tangled his fingers in her hair to bring her closer. Her lips parted slightly and he wanted to kiss her and never stop, but he wasn't sure he could handle it if she pushed him away. Even though Paige hadn't given an indication that she wanted him to leave, he was afraid of taking things too far, too fast. He got through losing her once and wasn't sure he could do it again. Wasn't sure he could piece together his broken heart again. Not that he really had the first time.

He tried to remind himself that it was just a kiss. That he could handle it if she pushed him away. But when was anything ever just a kiss with Paige?

"I missed you. This," Paige murmured as she traced her fingertips along his jaw. She wrapped her arms around his neck as she pressed herself against him. Leaning back on her bed, she pulled him down on top of her. "Us. I missed us."

Mike stared into her eyes for a moment, searching for any signs of hesitation and when he didn't see any, he lowered his lips to hers.

* * *

Mike was leaning against Paige's headboard, lost in his own thoughts as Paige slept peacefully in his arms, her head resting on his chest Her room was mostly dark, barely illuminated with a hint of moonlight and the flickering flames from a few candles Paige lit hours earlier.

She had been dozing on and off for the past few hours and despite his own exhaustion, he stubbornly refused to go to sleep, instead choosing to stay awake and watch her sleep. The first time she woke up and noticed him watching her, she teased him like she always used to do. Told him it would be creepy, if he wasn't so adorable. Then she kissed him, before falling back asleep.

He would watch her forever, if he could. She was so beautiful that she took his breath away. He had been captivated by her the first moment he saw her and the more he got to know her, the stronger his attraction became.

Paige stirred in his arms, and she pressed her lips to his chest. His hand slipped beneath the blanket covering them to lightly stroke her back, before running this fingers through her hair. Paige reached for his other hand and kissed his barely bruised knuckles.

After everything they had been through, it felt surreal to be with Paige like this. It almost felt like a dream.

He missed intimate moments like this the most, not just the physical act of sex. He definitely missed that too, but he missed moments when it was just the two of them. When they were alone together and they didn't have to worry about anything on the other side of the door. It was just the two of them existing.

Being.

"Why did you forgive me?" Paige quietly asked, lightly tracing her fingers over the scars decorating his chest. She turned slightly so she was propped up on her elbow and could see him.

They hadn't talked about the day he left the hospital to save her. She betrayed him in the worst possible way and refused to come see him every time he asked for her, but the moment he learned she was meeting up with Sid, he knew her intentions. Knew how lost she was. Knew she was drowning in guilt and was willing to sacrifice her life if it meant that Sid was behind bars, and he couldn't let her do it. As much as he didn't want to let Sid get away with what he did, her life meant more to him than arresting Sid.

He wanted to kiss her and tell her to go back to sleep, but if tonight was more than a one time thing, they needed to put their past behind them in order to move forward.

That meant talking about things that had gone unspoken for months.

Mike loosened his hold on her hair, and moved his hand to her face as he slid down closer to her. "You know why," Mike whispered, brushing his thumb along her chin.

He loved her.

It wasn't a secret. Even if he never said the words, she knew. He tried to stop loving her and failed. After everything they had been through, he should probably move on, but he couldn't.

Paige loved him. He knew she did, because otherwise she wouldn't have reacted how she did when she found out about his lie. If he didn't matter to her, she would have turned him in. But she didn't.

Their love was twisted.

They hurt each other again and again, but they couldn't stay away from each other. No matter how hard they tried to keep their distance, they were drawn to each other. Paige would always matter to him.

What the hell was it about this woman that made him question everything he thought he knew about women and relationships?

She infuriated him. Confused and challenged him.

Made him feel at ease and on edge at the same time.

She made him laugh.

He felt alive when he was with her.

Alone when he wasn't.

The odds were stacked against them. Instead of trusting each other, they lied and betrayed.

She sent someone to kill him and he still loved her. He shouldn't. But he did.

Paige offered him a small smile and leaned into his touch, "Maybe I need to hear it."

"Be sure, Paige. Because I can't take it back. I can't do this by myself." Maybe it wasn't fair of him to ask her for promises before they began again, but unless she was willing to try, he wasn't sure he could do this. Waiting a lifetime for her seemed easier than having his heart handed back to him.

Paige was everything he wanted. All that he needed.

There was no denying that Paige was tough and a far cry from being a damsel in distress. But she wasn't as immune to her feelings as she pretended to be. Paige was ruled by her emotions, often leaving her out of control or shut down because she didn't know how to deal. He was willing to live with that. He didn't want to change her. He knew what he was getting himself into.

Paige could be volatile.

Stubborn.

But when she smiled at him, his whole world stopped and she was the only thing that existed.

She was so passionate. About life. Her job.

He loved that about her, even if it created friction between them.

Besides, it wasn't like he was perfect.

They were flawed, both of them. They had brought out the worst in each other, but here they were, on the verge of starting up again.

"You won't," Paige promised, resting her hand over his. She tilted her head slightly so she could kiss his hand.

"I love you."

Paige smiled at him and leaned forward to brush her lips over his. "You'll notice that I didn't run. I'm right here, Mike. I'm not going anywhere."

"Tell me," Mike murmured against her lips. "Just once, just tell me." He didn't care if he sounded desperate. But she asked to hear the words. If she hadn't wanted to hear it, he would've loved her from afar like he had been all these months. Kept his love to himself as a not so hidden secret, but she asked.

"I've wrecked so many lives, including yours. I don't deserve you. For the first time in a long time, I'm happy and I'm afraid it will all go away. If I don't say it, then nothing will take you away from me," Paige tearfully confessed as she shook her head.

"Nothing's going to take me away from you," Mike promised. He dropped a kiss to her forehead and pulled her closer. Paige would say it when she was ready. They were just words. He knew how she felt about him. As much as he wanted to hear it, he knew that for Paige, actions spoke louder than words. She told him in a million ways that she loved him. He could feel it in her touch. See it in her eyes when she looked at him when she thought no one was watching. As much as he wanted to hear her say it, he wouldn't push her. "I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

Paige traced her fingers over his face and he closed his eyes, relishing the sweeter side of Paige she only showed when they were alone together. Mike groaned when he heard raised voices in the hall. Johnny and Briggs were arguing again.

"Ignore them," Paige whispered, lightly pressing her lips to his.

Doing his best to tune out the two agents in the hall, he chose to focus on the one in his arms. Whatever was going to happen with Briggs could wait until tomorrow.

Mike sighed as Paige threaded her fingers through his hair. She kissed him slowly and sweetly, with just a hint of desperation, pouring all the sentiments she couldn't say into a kiss.

It reminded him of the one kiss they shared last year. One perfect kiss amidst the chaos. Only this time he wasn't lost. Thankfully, she wasn't lost anymore.

Now they had each other.

THE END


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